Thursday, September 13, 2007

nightmare

I've been thinking about this post all night, and I don't even know where to begin. Yesterday, we got some of the worst news possible. I feel like I'm in a dream, and watching my life from outside my body. John has been diagnosed with stage 2B Lymphoma.

John's symptoms started a few months ago. He had a persistent cough for about 2 months, and John attributed it to some sort of bronchitis. After it continued, I nagged him to go to the doctors, but it was upon the insistence of his parents that he finally went to see the doctor's. This was on Saturday. He also had a chest x-ray which ended up showing a mass in his chest. John's father is a doctor, and was able to pull a lot of strings to have John seen ASAP. Yesterday we spent the entire day at the hospital, meeting with the doctor, and John having a PET/CT scan performed. Luckily his mother was able to watch Isaiah so that I could be with John the entire day. It still really feels like a dream.

So now I'm not sure what the future with hold. On Friday John will have a biopsy to confirm the doctor's diagnosis which will dictate which type of treatment he will need. He will also have a bone marrow biopsy next week to make sure that the lymphoma is not in there. Most likely, John will start radiation treatment late next week.

Right now I am feeling so many emotions. I am encouraged by all the support we have, all the new technology and advances in medicine. I'm having my good moments, and I'm having my bad moments. I feel stressed to think about what will happen financially. John was working 2 jobs so that I could stay home with Isaiah. I'm not certain what will happen with this situation. It depends on how John handles the treatments. If he does not do well with them and is unable to work, then we'll have to look into disability and other programs. If need be, I will have to go back to work. I feel lucky that we're going through this with people that will help us if we need it. I can't imagine families that have to go through this with nothing. I feel blessed to have Isaiah because I know that he gives us purpose and a major reason to fight this. I'm trying not to get too ahead in my worrying, because we're really not sure what type of lymphoma, what kind of treatment he needs, etc. I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.

So, for now, I'm here. I'll probably be sewing and keeping up with my etsy shop to keep my mind of things. I'll check in from time to time, but just not as regularly.

I also wanted to mention all of John's symptoms. If you or anyone else you know has these, please get checked out. Persistent cough, excessive itching, a sizable weight loss, and night sweats. John thought that these things were irritating, but livable. He doesn't feel sick or tired, and otherwise looks like a healthy person. Looks can be deceiving.

61 comments:

Lindsey said...

Oh, I am so sorry, and my thoughts are with you both, as well as Isaiah. That must be the hardest thing to hear. Please let us (your bloggy friends) know if there's anything we can do for you.

Mary said...

Katie, I'm just speechless. Please know that y'all are in my thoughts. If there is anything at all that I can do for you, I am *so* there.

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with your family right now.

Viv said...

Oh Katie, I haven't been checking blogs for a long time and I'm so sorry to hear this news. I really don't know what to say except I'm sorry and I wish you all the best as you continue on this unexpected life challenge. All the best.

beki said...

Oh my goodness, I am so, so very sorry to hear this. You and your family are certainly in my prayers. Please let us know if there is anything you need!!

Strawberry Cat said...

I'm a big lurker, but I thought I'd bust out and say that I'm so sorry for your family. My thoughts will be with John, you, and Isaiah. Take care.

kirsten said...

katie, I'm so so sorry, that is terrible news. hoping and praying for the best.

jessi said...

Oh Katie - I am so sorry. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, and your family.

Chara Michele said...

Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry to hear about this. You & your family will definitely be in my thoughts & prayers. If there is anything at all that I can do for you please let me know!!

Heidi said...

Katie, I can't believe it. We just never think it will happen to us or those we "know" does it? I'm so, so sorry and my heart is heavy for you. :( I pray that you and your little family will have the strength to face this trial. I'll be checking for updates! Please know that you and John have a lot of people thinking about you.

Roxanne said...

I am so sorry Katie. I will be praying for you and your family. Take care.

Shannon said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. Everyone will be in my prayers.

Shannon said...

I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my prayers.

Sarah and Jack said...

Oh (((((Katie)))), you will all be in our thoughts and prayers.

Rebecca said...

Katie, please know my heart is with you and if there is anything I can do please let me know. {{{HUGS}}}

Rebecca

Karyn said...

Katie, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I'll be thinking about you and your family!

Artsy Momma said...

I am so sorry Katie. My thoughts are with you and John. I have been through something similar but not nearly as scary/devestating. I am here for you! Support, a shoulder, an ear, heck I will send some fabric if you need some from sewing up a nervous storm!

I am Jen said...

UGH! Sorry about this Katie. But Stage 2 is very treatable. There is good in this. But I wouldn't know where to begin either. I can feel your haze right now. Prayers are with you guys.

lera said...

Oh, Katie. I am so very sorry to hear about John. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you and your family.

I hope that he gets some good news at the doctors and that John keeps his spirits up.

Good luck.

(My father was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma 5 1/2 yrs ago and is doing well.)

Meg said...

Katie dear, sending John healing thoughts and prayers. There is great hope for healing with stage 2, thank God he found out when he did. Went through this with my son, but by the time we found out it was stage 4. Don't even think about going to work, your family needs you. Yes, keep up your sewing, it's going to help you now. That's why I sew. It is a gift that keeps you sane when all else is uncontrolable. Dig in and find your strength, love John and support him with all your heart.

Lesley said...

Oh Katie, I'm really sorry to hear your news. I agree with Meg - you need to be home now more than ever. Sending you warm wishes and we'll be praying for you x

Anina said...

Oh, Katie, here's a big ((((((hug))))). Try not to imagine the worst and just take it one step at a time.
You have MANY people out here in blogland thinking of you.

Claire said...

I am so so sorry. Our prayers are with you.

Miss Bliss said...

I don't even know what to say... my heart goes out to you, and your family. There are amazing treatments now, just try to think positive. And you ARE entitled to both bad and good moments. It's all in when you have them, but don't let anyone tell you that you need to have those emotions. You do, and you will. And things will be okay... some how some day.

Jenn Maruska said...

Katie - I'm so sorry to hear this news. There are so many of us, from all walks of life and all over the world who are thinking of your family and sending you hope. We care very much. Please keep us posted.

Heidi said...

I don't know what else to say except that I will be praying for your family and I hope you know that you are not alone. There is a whole community of strangers (not really) with you through this.

TinkerBlue said...

Ah Katie,

My heart goes out to you, John, Isaiah and your families. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Raesha D said...

I'm sending you good thought and great big hugs. I will keep you all in my prayers. Please keep us posted. if you feel so inclined.

Lucy said...

Katie, my thoughts are with you and John & Isiah. I am glad you have a strong support system around you. Just take one day at a time, and you will get through this together. It's good you are thinking about the future now and finances although don't get consumed by it. I work for a bank so I know how hard it can be for families that are faced with unforseen circumstances health or otherwise. There are options out there you may want to explore that will get you through some rough patches that may arise. The most important thing though is your faith and love for eachother.

Hugs to you,

lucy

Bee said...

Katie I'm so very sorry to read this! I hope you'll be able to stay strong and positive and get through this. {{hugs}} it must be so frightening for you all.

littlemissmeshell said...

Oh Katie I am so sorry. Try to be strong, I'm sending big warm hugs, love and vibes to you and yours. xox

Katherine said...

Sending you hugs and positive energy. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Breanna said...

Katie, I am so sorry. I am glad you have a network of support, please don't be shy to use it. My thoughts are with you and your family right now.

Felicia said...

I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

Diane said...

Katie, I am so sorry to hear that your family is going through this. Just take one day at a time and know that I am thinking of you and praying for good things. Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it, financially or otherwise.

Little Munchkins said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Please take care, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Jody said...

I'm so sorry. Your husband and your family will be in my thoughts.

jungle dream pagoda said...

Popping in from Sarah's place. I will hold you and your fam in my thoughts and prayers.

Jennifer said...

So sorry to hear this awful news. I don't know you but my heart goes out to you, your husband and your entire family. My thoughts will be with you.

iSew said...

Oh my gosh Katie. I'll be thinking of you guys. You seem to have the right attitude and lots of support. That's a great start.

Big hugs.

blop said...

Katie, be strong, your family needs your strength now. Only see the positives in your life, it will help.
We have been living w/non-hodgkins lymphoma for more than 12 years. My Dave has been at stage 4 twice and undergone all the treatments and is back in remission. There is tons of hope and great meds to deal w/this.
Financially, check w/patient advocates in your facility...there is tons of help available. These situations are why they do fundraisers. They have helped us immensely.
Keep hope and live for the moments, it will get better.

Christina. B said...

I am so sorry to hear this, you,Isaiah(thats my son's name too), and John will be in our prayers.

Hip Mama Crafts said...

Katie, I'll be praying for you, for John and for your little guy. Remember, lean on your friends and family as much as possible- it's miraculous how much it helps...

Christina said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Please know you are in my thoughts.

Holly said...

I just stumbled upon your blog today; this is the first post of yours that I have read. I am so sorry to hear this news. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Storybook Woods said...

Hello I have found you through Mama and Jack. I am very sorry and will be sending out positive thoughts. Clarice

Christy said...

((((Katie & family))))

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Heidijayhawk said...

prayers heading your way katie! a dear friend of ours was diagnosed with the same stage a year and a half ago and it seems like forever. he flew through the radiation and the cancer disappeared. keep your head up!

Jen Gallacher said...

I heard through a friend about your husband and wanted to wish you well in the treatment for your husband. My son's experience with chemo and radiation was positive in that he felt pretty well except for being very tired. Medicines have come a long way, and he had a fairly good appetite and participated in lots of things all during treatment. I wish you and your little family all the best, and you're in my heart and prayers!

Miz Smoochie Lips said...

I understand your shock and I'm sending tons of positive thoughts for healing and recovery...
hugs

Anonymous said...

Katie, I stumbled upon your blog today and felt the need to write. My 24 year old daughter had symptoms much like your husband back in early 2004. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, went thru (and worked during) chemo and rads and is now healthy and happy. You are at the scariest, most difficult part of this journey -the beginning. Hopefully, you will feel less stress once a plan of action is decided upon and begun. Many positive thoughts to you and your hubby. You may want to check out the WebMagic lymphoma forums, they are a wonderful community of people. Best wishes to you and yours for strength of spirit and body.

Paula said...

I came to your site from Thrifty Goodness and just want to send my healing thoughts and prayers your way...

dawnkristine said...

Katie-
When we were a young married couple my husband was diagnosed with stage 2B testicular cancer. I am happy to say that 14 years later we are doing well. It was tough when we were so young, I will be praying for you.

Sondra said...

I will pray for you and your family. Stay strong!

Joyce said...

my prayers are with you and your family.

VaxGirl said...

Thinking good thoughts for you and your family.

Kieran said...

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for your family. I am sending good thoughts to you and your family.

happy zombie said...

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers Katie. Love, hope, faith, laughter and family are the best drugs - be a junkie! xo, M

Lori said...

Just one more note of support and to let you know you're in my prayers.

amandajean said...

I'll be praying for you all....

Andie said...

Many thoughts and prayers to you for good news and effective treatments.